Two short years ago, we were divided into two sexual camps: Those who knew what a flogger was (and how to use it) and those who certainly did not. Then along came EL James and the bestselling book of all time, Fifty Shades of Grey, and it seemed our sex lives would never be the same. The popularity of Fifty Shades seemed to herald a new dawn for women’s sexual liberation; we would now take our tips from Christian Grey, the handsome young millionaire who woos Fifty Shades’ Anastasia with helicopter rides, expensive dinners and, oh yes, flogging and butt plugs.

Two years on from the book’s release, however, it seems we haven’t exactly run with open arms into the “red room of pain” – Fifty Shades’ most enduring legacy may be a general broadening of horizons. “Reading it reignited a spark in me,” says Clary (24), who has been with her boyfriend for six years. “It made me think more about making an effort for my boyfriend…I probably got a bit too comfortable.”

Clary didn’t tell her boyfriend about the book; but she talked to friends and family about it, with curious results. “Two friends and I went to a fetish club, on a night out – something I would never have done before.” Did she like it? “No…I felt like I needed to wash for about an hour afterwards. I really didn’t like what went on in [Fifty Shades’] red room of pain either; it scared me. I’m not a prude, but for me, there was something psychologically off about it.”

All of the women in Clary’s family have read it: “My sister, who’s 21 in a week, my mother, who’s 52 and my grandmother, who’s 72,” she says. “My granny thought it was fun, and she really enjoyed reading it. My mum didn’t like it so much.” Tina (29) is a civil servant; she read all three Fifty Shades books out of what she terms a “morbid curiosity”, rather than any great sense of enjoyment. “It was interesting, in a way,” she says. “I thought it was terribly written, but having had no prior exposure or experience of BDSM, it was an eye opener.”

She’s another who says the graphic BDSM-themed sexual encounters in the books haven’t ignited an enthusiasm for pain. “Parts of it were almost instructional – so if I did find myself in a situation where things were heading down the spanking route, I probably would go with some of the moves from the book.” She admits the book has made her slightly more open – if not to adding more rough to her tumbles, then at least to trying it out. “If someone spanked me in a casual sexual encounter, I would probably get a bit pissed off – but if I was with someone and it was something they got off on, I might try it. Not being tied up or anything, but the lighter stuff.”

Our annual survey searches for the truth about Irish women’s sex lives. The results are illuminating and, in some cases, a little surprising…

The Irish might not have a reputation as one of the most sexually liberated nations on Earth but it seems that behind closed doors we are much more experimental than outward appearances might suggest.

At least, that’s what the results of our latest reader survey on sex has shown. The bottom line is that 68 per cent of you are satisfied or very satisfied with your sex life and 72 per cent rate your partner’s sexual performance as a solid seven or above. Almost half of you are having sex twice a week or more and only 23 per cent think you can have a fulfilling relationship without sex.

Hideous kinky?
We asked you to name an embarrassing sexual crush
and the answers are interesting, to say the least. You
admit to crushes on work superiors, ex boyfriends
and friends of your current partner! Naughty. Leading
the field for celebrities is the character of Max from
Eastenders (played by Jake Wood) who garnered
numerous votes. We’re not quite sure what the appeal
is… Coming a close second to Max is Simon Cowell
whose high-waisted trousers must be emitting some
kind of aphrodisiac.

Others you confess to lusting
after include Ian Dempsey, Robbie Williams, Lord Alan
Sugar, Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall, Jeff Goldblum,
Shane Lynch, Zac Efron and Harry Styles. To the
person who named Mr Blobby as their crush, we
think you might need to seek help.

In the bedroom you are try-sexuals; 46 per cent of you have engaged in anal sex, 69 per cent have used a vibrator, 50 per cent have watched porn with a partner and things might have got messy with 43 per cent of you admitting to having incorporated food into sex. Less popular activities include dogging, with 17 per cent saying they have tried it, and partner swapping doesn’t look like it’s a regular occurrence with a tiny one percent admitting to it. Mind you, 64 per cent have faked an orgasm at some point so while you are experimental there is still work to be done when it comes to vocalising what you want. We also need to be more proactive when it comes to initiating sex as only nine per cent of you say you make the first move.

The most popular age for people to lose their virginity is between 16 and 18 and 60 per cent said that they popped their cherry at the perfect time. Of those surveyed one per cent are still waiting for the right person to come along and are virgins. What’s the magic number? Well 51 per cent have had six or more sexual partners and 12 per cent have gone to bed with more than 21 people. However single girls don’t seem to be living the Sex and the City lifestyle with 90 per cent of them saying that they aren’t sleeping with multiple partners at the one time.

Happily you’re quite conscientious when it comes to contraception, 82 per cent always or nearly always use it, with condoms and the pill still the most popular choices. Rather disappointingly only 32 per cent have had a test for sexually transmitted infections and the majority of those surveyed didn’t answer when we asked what sexually transmitted infections they had been diagnosed with. It seems sexual health is still somewhat of a taboo topic.

Rosemary MacCabe lays bare her feelings about losing her appetite for lovemaking.

Like most things in life, one’s sexual appetite is not a given; it is not something that is high or low or even medium, at least not all of the time. At best, it is tidal, ebbing and flowing depending on your mood, the moon, what happened in Coronation Street, the violence levels of the movie you watched before bedtime, how much you ate (or didn’t) and myriad other variables that can, at any time and without warning, be thrown into the mix.

Still, there is something comforting about its unpredictability. When it is gone, you know it will be back. When it is low, you know it will soon be high again. So when I found myself, in my late 20s, on antidepressants and facing an uncertain future of lasting low sexual appetite, I was, frankly, unprepared.

I’m not unique in that I suffer from depression, and nor are the side effects I suffer unusual. At night, I have two, three, often four vivid dreams, from which I wake restless and on edge. During the day though my mood has greatly improved – or at least levelled out, and now when I feel upset or angry or anxious it is usually as a result of some event or other that has given me good reason – my sex drive has been nigh on eradicated.

On the one hand, this is utterly unimportant. I took medication to deal with a mental health problem, and from that point of view this endeavour has been entirely successful. On the other, I am in a relationship – can I expect my boyfriend to survive indefinitely on a diet of hugs and home cooking? For his part, he has never complained about this drastic change – any pressure and worry about the relationship comes from me and me alone, and there seems to be no way to constructively talk about it without creating anxiety where none previously existed.

“Does it bother you that I’m not that into sex at the moment?” I ask, brow furrowed. “Not at all,” he replies. This, of course, worries me more than it should – why isn’t he bothered? Is there someone else? Or is he just resigned to living a sexless life, cuddling on the couch in front of Love/Hate and walking the dog? (That, for the record, is not a double entendre.)

I am, of course, glad – and lucky – that he is not the pestering kind. There can be nothing worse than having to reject one’s partner again and again because you’re genuinely not in the mood. Conversely, on the rare occasions I decide I am in the mood, woe betide him if he dares reject me. Shouldn’t he always be “on”, waiting for the rare moments I wish to consummate our relationship?

Ultimately, there is no beating around the bush when it comes to sex, and no amount of mental exercise (chanting “think positively” in my head, for example) can flip that switch when it is firmly off or, as I like to think of it, “on snooze”. I have no quick fix for a problem that has come into being as a by-product of the solution of another (the irony). I can only hope that my sex drive will return one day, along with my dreamless nights. If nothing else, it makes wandering around Abercrombie & Fitch a fascinatingly lust-free experience.

Half Irish, half Ethiopian Ruth Negga grew up between Limerick and London in a somewhat nomadic existence that has probably helped give her the skills to deal with a career that requires a degree of rootlessness. She speaks with Irish Tatler about what 2013 holds for her. 2013 looks set to be a big year for her with films due out in which she co-stars with Hollywood heavyweight Brad Pitt and works with director Steve McQueen in ‘Twelve Years a Slave’ which also stars Michael Fassbender.

Her career has made steady progress despite her tendency to choose films based on the quality of the role rather than the doors it may open. ‘I don’t have a lot of choices, but you can still be selective at any level. I don’t have a plan or a strategy but you can be strategic about what you do. And though it’s been said before, the [roles] you don’t do can be most important. I try to choose work that I want to do, rather than choose something that’s necessary, or a ‘good’ idea or a stepping stone’ Fame does not appear to be the draw of acting, more so the work itself and the experiences she will have ‘I am not hugely famous, I am not a name. There are certain things I’m not going to get. For me it’s not the size of the role, it’s the material and the people you’re working with’ She also points out that she never really had a plan for her career ‘I’ve always had clarity but I’ve never had a long-term plan. I can’t really function like that. I know what I don’t want to do. But also what you want changes. Part of her reluctance to go fully mainstream may be her innate introvertedness ‘I’ve always been quite shy of exposure; I’m not really great with that. I am quite shy, [and] people associate shyness with meekness, but they are not the same thing’

She also admits she felt like she never fitted in and to being a bit of a loner, even while having many friends ‘I’ve never been part of a gang. I’ve always been a loner but not a lonely loner. You can be a loner and have lots of friends, but not necessarily having to be surrounded by a big bunch of people all of the time’ June will see the release of the Hollywood blockbuster World War Z in which she stars alongside Brad Pitt as a scientist trying to save the world. She admits the experience was daunting but the opportunity was incredible ‘You are shitting yourself. I don’t know what he must have thought of me. To get a chance to be on something like that, such a big film, it was very daunting’

Read her full interview in the February issue of Irish Tatler on sale now For further information contact: Michelle Morrisroe – PR, Harmonia: 01 2405351 / mmorrisroe@harmonia.ie

(Dec 7) Irish Tatler Ireland’s original style bible was named Consumer Magazine of the Year at the annual Irish Magazine Awards last night at Dublin’s Clyde Court Hotel.

More than any other Irish magazine on the market, Irish Tatler speaks for the modern Irish woman; ever stylish, always innovative, consistently supportive and never afraid to challenge age old stereotypes.

Continually pushing boundaries editorially in 2012 Irish Tatler published an extensive reader sex survey and sex diaries as well as in depth reportage on the realities of working in the sex trade in Ireland. This issue produced massive interest, with the public and media looking to Irish Tatler for insights into Irish sex lives.

Irish Tatler was also the first indigenous glossy to put a national sportswoman on its front cover. Katie Taylor was the cover star of the July issue, prior to her winning gold in London.

Speaking following the awards, Irish Tatler editor Jessie Collins said “We are so thrilled to be recognised as the leading magazine in our field. Our readership continues to grow and grow every year and our success is down to those people who pick up the issue every month. Irish magazines compete in one of the toughest markets in the world yet still hold their own, delivering a standard we aim to stay at the vanguard of for many years to come, bringing quality content to Irish women who deserve the best”

Despite being a pioneering publication and the oldest indigenous women’s magazine in Ireland at 122 years old this is the first time Irish Tatler has won the highly coveted Consumer Magazine of the Year. Having previously won the Front Cover of the Year award in 2011 this award is the crowning glory to a year which has seen Irish Tatler continually outperform all competitors.

Irish Tatler most recent ABC figure was an impressive 23, 919 (Jan – Dec 2011) and has spawned numerous brand extensions including Ireland’s only men’s lifestyle magazine Irish Tatler Man and Irish Tatler Business.

Click here to view the gallery from the night

Aine Lawlor takes home the Irish Tatler Women of the Year – Media award while Jennifer Maguire was awarded the Irish Tatler Woman of the Year – Entertainment award (Nov 11)

The Irish Tatler Women of the Year Awards took place on Saturday November 10th at a glittering awards ceremony in the Four Seasons Hotel. In total, fourteen awards were handed out to some of Ireland’s leading women from the worlds of business, media and entertainment, fashion and music. Special recognition and achievement awards for some of the country’s most extraordinary heroines were also awarded. All proceeds from the night were donated to the Turn off the Red Light campaign with the Immigrant Council of Ireland. The Irish Tatler Women of the Year Awards are designed to recognise and reward Ireland’s most influential and successful women. While Ireland boasts many impressive award ceremonies, the Irish Tatler Women of the Year Awards allow readers of Irish Tatler to nominate their favourite female icons before a judging panel deliberates over all of the nominations.

Boxing supremo and Olympic gold medallist Katie Taylor was named the Irish Tatler Woman of the Year at this year’s awards. Not only was she recognised for her sporting achievements, but also the role she played in raising the profile of women’s boxing. In addition to taking home Ireland’s only gold medal from London 2012, she is four time World Champion and five time European Champion. Taylor was previously honoured with the Irish Tatler Woman of the Year – Sport award in 2010.

Taking home the Irish Tatler Woman of the Year – Media award was Morning Ireland presenter Aine Lawlor. Described as one Ireland’s ‘sharpest and most experienced broadcasters’ she famously presented Morning Ireland’s first and only Sunday morning broadcast when breaking the news of the Irish pork crisis. Dr Rhona Mahony was honoured with the Irish Tatler Woman of the Year – Public Life award. She was elected as the first woman Master of the National Maternity Hospital, Holles Street becoming the 17th Master since the foundation of the hospital in 1894. Dr Mahony was elected to the position by the hospital’s governors. She is the first woman master of any maternity hospital in the Ireland. Paralympian Bethany Firth was honoured with the Irish Tatler Woman of the Year – Sport award.

At just 16 years old Bethany took home Ireland’s first gold Paralympic medal at the London 2012 Paralympics. She was the youngest member of the Irish Paralympic squad and her gold medal is even more impressive considering she only took up swimming three years ago. A Special Recognition award was presented to Denise Charlton for her tireless work in the fields of equality, human rights and anti-discrimination. Chief Executive of the Immigrant Council of Ireland since 2003 she has worked on various governmental and NGO committees tackling violence against women, trafficking of human beings and women’s health issues.

Speaking at the awards Harmonia CEO Norah Casey said “I love these awards because they are so inspiriting – what could be better in the current climate than celebrating the best women in Ireland. I have been doing these awards for 12 years now and the calibre of winners just gets better and better. Of course this year we had an embarrassment of riches with Katie Taylor’s incredible success in the Olympics and Bethany Firth – Ireland’s first Paralympic gold winner and all the wonderful women who were part of the Paralympic team that did Ireland so proud. We started over a decade ago with a handful of nominations in the women in business category – it’s now our largest and we have added in the women entrepreneur awards for the first time.

We have brilliant women in music, media and entertainment and what stands out for me is the sheer tenacity and courage of Irish women who have overcome incredible challenges. As always we will be mixing glamour and grey matter at the Irish Tatler Women of the Year Awards.

I love the fact that clever, successful women come out in force to celebrate the great heroines of Ireland on this one night. “ Irish songstress Maria Doyle Kennedy was presented with the Irish Tatler Woman of the Year – Music award for her contribution to the music industry. She has spent the best part of 20 years performing live all over the world to audiences ranging from the many thousand at Glastonbury and Oxygen to more intimate theatre concerts. Faced with hundreds of nominations across all of the categories the judges had the daunting task of choosing the winners and the coveted overall 2012 Irish Tatler Woman of the Year award. The impressive list of judges included Norah Casey, Jessie Collins, Mary Harney, Adi Roche and Ros Hubbard.
The awards were hosted by Irish Tatler publisher and Harmonia CEO Norah Casey and Newstalk presenter Chris Donoghue.

Irish Tatler Women of the Year Award Winners 2012

Irish Tatler Woman of the Year: Katie Taylor
Business: Louise Phelan
Entrepreneur: Emmeline Hill
Sport: Bethany Firth
Media: Aine Lawlor
Film & Drama: Ruth Bradley
Literature: Kathleen McMahon
Fashion Design: Heidi Higgins
Public Life: Dr Rhona Mahony
Music: Maria Doyle Kennedy
Entertainment: Jennifer Maguire
Special Recognition: Denise Charlton
Special Achievement: Female members of Team Ireland who competed in the Paralympics
Catherine Walsh, Fran Meehan, Helen Kearney, Catherine O’Neill, Geraldine Savage, Eilish Byrne,
Orla Barry, Bethany Firth.
Hall of Fame: Catherine McGuinness

ANNMARIE O’CONNOR
Fashion Editor for The Irish Examiner

Did you hear that? That’s the audible sigh of relief as spring/summer makes its seasonal exit. With the girlish patois of pastels and florals bidding adieu, a more womanly Goth Glam lexicon takes its place. As the clocks go back, fashion invariably succumbs to the more bewitching power of velvet, lace and leather; be it fetish or feminine. And the autumn/winter 12 catwalks were no different. Frida Giannini channelled 19th century decadence with her nocturnal Gucci girl; while Diane von Furstenberg and Givenchy rediscovered The Matrix with knee-length coats and second-skin turtleneck dresses.

Beneath this obsidian lacquer is a far headier message, one that speaks of sex, power and intrigue. Of course, where temptation lies, fear is never far behind. Whether the cinched control of a dominatrix suit or a rebellious pair of PVC knee boots; the implied danger is utterly delicious.  If Goth Glam had a face it would be Angelina Jolie – a vixen feared and adored in equal measure; the woman you’d love to be, if only you had the balls. iblogfashion.com 

JESSIE COLLINS
Irish Tatler Editor

Yes, it may be a relief to wave goodbye to all those sherbet hues and girly frills, as the sugar coated cutsey glamour of last season has been replaced by its very opposite. The new looks are dark, fetishistic and let’s face it, a lot harder to wear. The whole Goth thing comes with a big caveat emptor as we cast our eye back and wonder, what Jolie look did we love best? The pouting blood-vile-carrying wan of the Billy Bob Thornton years or the dewy Jolie with a bit of blush and gloss?

I know which camp I’m in. Besides, I have too much photographic evidence of Black Cherry lipstick horrors to advocate that this is anything but a look you should approach with caution. (That said, I will be working a touch of purple into my makeup bag, eyes will get a lick of plummy mascara or the brush of a lilac shadow.) My advice? Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, and definitely don’t take the Valentino and Prada looks too literally.

Re-spin your floral pieces this season if the Elvira thing is too dour for you, and florals and leather make very happy bedfellows if you mix the pieces smartly. And there is so much more to love in the Edwardian and equestrian Downton Abbey inspired trends in just the hats alone. Plus, the wonderful exuberance of new graphic prints are far more likely to make you smile as you pull them out of your wardrobe in the darkness of a November Monday morning. When it comes to working this season’s looks, personally, I’ll be more dabbling violet then all out vixen.

Bigger, better and more glamorous than before, the three day extravaganza brings with it more fashion, more beauty, more pampering, more prizes and a few surprises to boot. Hosted by Loraine Keane it is a definite date for any fashionistas diary.

As in previous years the heart of the show is the glamorous Tia Maria catwalk. Fashions from all over Ireland will be showcased with something to suit all ages, shapes and sizes. In addition there will be over 100 exhibitors (Including House of Fraser, Harvey Nichols, Net a Fabulous, The Stiletto Store, Bushra and Mane ‘n Tail) for browsing and picking up that must have essential or bargain.

Tia Maria will also be creating a fabulous cocktail area featuring light and refreshing cocktails. Relax with a refreshing Corona or treat yourself to one of their signature Ultimate Girls Day Out cocktails like ‘Tia Breeze’ (Tia Maria and Cranberry Juice with a wedge of lime) or let the Tia Maria girls work wonders on your lashes with the Ja’Maal Buster eye lashes.

The chic Hall of Beauty is a must stop for all make-up and skincare addicts where a fantastic selection of new and established brands are ready and waiting to pamper and treat you with makeovers, masterclasses and those all-important discounts.

The Smart Girls Zone, will have experts on hand to give practical advise on career, alongside beauty, hair and fashion tips. Workshops and interactive shows will be running throughout the day, each day. The Business Zone will have business bootcamp programmes devised by Harmonia CEO and RTE Dragons Den star Norah Casey, allowing aspiring entrepreneurs to learn from Ireland’s leading women in business.

The Irish Tatler Star Model Search is back for its second year. Over the weekend model scouts will be roaming the hall on the lookout for Ireland’s next big modelling star.  Open to girls aged 16 -23 and a minimum height of 5ft 7.5, the search will culminate in a final on Sunday evening where one lucky girl will win a 1 year contract with top agency 1^st Option.

Do you have what it takes to be crowned the Ultimate Best Dressed Lady? A celebrity-judge will each day choose stylish ladies who embody the ethos of each of Harmonia’s magazines (Irish Tatler, Woman’s Way and U Magazine). Sunday will see each daily winner competing for the title of Ultimate Best Dressed with the overall winner will take home a gorgeous designer dress and bespoke hat made by Irish milliner Lucy Gilmore Murphy.

Our Cinderella search is back…every hour the owner of the most fabulous pair of heels will be rewarded with a gorgeous goodie bag.

Always dreamed of gracing the cover of a magazine like your Hollywood idol? Then the Cover Girl stand is priority stop for you. Become part of Irish Tatler, Woman’s Way or U Magazines cover pages and take home a unique memento from your day as an Ultimate girl.

And that’s not all… there will be spas, jewellery, perfume, handbags galore, makeovers, flash sales, lots of competitions and much much more…